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I've not been updating lately cause everytime i want to there's this voice that says"wtf la i'm too lazy.." and i'll just laze around as always..but now is different..

Lately i've been so *******pissed off and i'm going haywire..everyday after i come back home my entire internal organs start aching and why the **** it is i dunno...even now i'm cursing for no ******* reason..

I've had certain things that made me pissed off the whole week..such as my feelings that keep on being swirled together in a blender..next is i get so ******* pissed off with parents..i mean they dump all of their responsibilites on me..wtf la..expect me to take care of everyone all the time is it??...***************************...even know they do it..they dont see it from my eyes just their own and in theirs it says that "i'm right he's wrong.." buka la mata sikit **********..thank god my mum is an angel..otherwise i wouldnt hold back on hitting them one day..

And people in school..i'm refering to annoying ********..every second of my entire schooling hours sure ader orang yang sukaaaaaaaa giler kacau..tak leh bla..and to SOME people who can't accept other people's differences and their interests just stfu and dont give ******* comments..if u dont like it then just keep it to yourself..***********...

Another thing..even though me being near you helps put all of this in a garbage truck and i have a good time talking to you..even just standing beside you calms me down..however yea i know its impossible..so i'd better come up with ways to forget..but everytime i do i get lost and confused..ish....

I keep on watching Hitch..the movie where will smith acted as some date doctor.. the part when he was in the speed dating room and pouring out his reasons on why he did it is my favourite part..."And this here..this part right here is why falling in love is so damn FUCKING HARD"..classic..and i think i get what he means..even though its a movie..it brought alot of meaning..

And another thing..just like my dear friend who just got her heart devastated..we both were talking about why is it so hard to get happiness when we see and help others infront of us attain it..and when we do find it even for a slight moment it gets ripped away from us...**********..

But mainly why i've been so frustrated and annoyed this past few days cause life has been so frustrating and annoying..and it seems that i became more sadistic..dunno why..sigh.......I'm just waiting for all of this to just go away..if being hurt over and over and over again to such an extent that's too much just to gain happiness..well i rather be ******* lonely by myself..hurts less and i can concentrate on my studies..

However you're there to stop it..sigh....even though the results are clear in my head..i'm trying my best just to look away..but i takut nanti our friendship boom...omfg la i'm so confused.............................